Somehow
by firstclasscrisis
Summary: Siegbert had never allowed himself an ounce of personal happiness. Perhaps, he thought, it was time to change that.


A/N: I'm prepared to drag all who read this into ShiroSieg hell with me. I've big plans for this and I'm praying to Naga that they come through this time. In any case I really love all of the kids in Fates, Sieggy in particular, and honestly they need more of a spotlight! Soleil is a precious noodle and I can only imagine how close she and Sieg are, so they're best buddies here. Forrest is a little shit but like he's great at it man, such a sass master, he really takes after his papa. Be ready to see some side pairings too, cause I'm on the Forrest/Rhajat boat and it's currently sailing really hard. Dunno if I'll actually include many more but Forrest plays a huge ass role in this so he deserves some kisses here and there too!

Also to clarify Siegbert's texts will always be in _italics_! Soleil is in **bold**. Shiro is  underlined, and everyone else will be written plain. 

* * *

It started out just like any other day. Siegbert pushed himself out of bed at seven-thirty exactly, scratching at his exposed belly with an absent yawn, moving about his room like clockwork. Not a single step out of place, he mused internally, like a well-trained doll. He dashed his fingers against the bathroom's granite counter top, examining his face in the mirror jadedly, blinking sluggishly through his self-examination. Bringing one hand to his pale face he sighed, knuckles ruffling presently mussed locks to an even worse extent, and turned away from his reflection in favor of showering.

The loud chirping of his phone deterred him from entering the bath, the tone accosting his ears as it continued to trill on until he answered it. "Hello, this is Siegbert Nohr speaking, how can I help you?" The formal greeting passed his lips once he realized he hadn't checked his Caller ID, and in turn he received an amused chuckle from the other end of the line. "Siegbert," His father's rumbling voice hummed in his ears, immediately soothing the remaining tautness in his shoulders "how have you been, little one?" Siegbert beamed at the use of his old nickname, cradling the phone between his cheek and shoulder as he finished undressing, "I am doing well, Father. My classes are proving to be rather interesting, though I find myself tired of the early hours lately."

Usually he would never confide in his Father, but as of late he could use a shoulder to lean on. He heard Xander hum through the receiver, seemingly settling down if the sound of well-worn leather yielding gave him any indication, allowing Siegbert the time needed to continue on. "I…I miss being at home. Being around you and Aunt Camilla, I guess I'm a little lonely." Siegbert laughed, soft and vulnerable, "I know I'm just being spoiled when I say this, but…it really is tough coming back to an empty flat." The young man shifted, leaning against the bathroom counter, the back of his thighs pressed hard to the frigid surface. "I want to visit sometime soon, if you'll have me. Finals are coming to a close next week, so if I work hard enough and pass them all, would it be alright to come back during the break?"

Xander was silent for a long moment and Siegbert felt his heart seize. Perhaps it was too soon to ask those kinds of things? He'd been gone for a year without seeing his family…did they not miss him? His thoughts threatened to spiral out of control and the apprehension plunged him into anxiety induced silence, the sound of his breathing hitching and faltering, huffing against the screen of his phone. "We would love it if you came back, Siegbert. You will _always_ be welcome at home." That was all it took to reel the boy back in, his heartbeat a warm reminder against his chest. "Camilla mentioned something about wanting to have a family night if you decided to return over winter break. I suppose I can let her know you'll be making that request of hers come true?"

"Yes! Th-thank you so much, Father." Siegbert chirruped kindly, catching a glimpse of his over-excited grin in the mirror as he spun around. Xander's huff of laughter was only cause for the smile across his face to widen, "You don't have to thank me, little one. I miss you too; it gets lonely over here when I see Kana running about with your Aunt Camilla. Seeing how happy they are reminds me of you when you were that small, so don't keep your foolish old father wait too long, alright?"

It took a moment for Siegbert to muster up his reply, blush dusting across his cheeks, "I won't…and uhm…I love you so much, Father. I promise I'll keep in touch more often!" He moved towards the shower once more, hand resting on the knob, legs throbbing from how hard he'd managed to press himself up against the counter. "I love you too, Siegbert. Have a good day at school; I'll talk to you later." The line went dead not long after they said their goodbyes and the whole conversation left Siegbert in a far better mood than he had went into the phone call with. He hummed absently; grin plastered across his lips as he went about his morning, realizing a bit too late that he wasn't on schedule.

He threw on whatever clothes he'd managed to lay out last night and roughly combed his fingers through his damp locks, spending a moment or two to adjust his scarf before bolting from his flat belongings and granola bar in hand. Well, he reasoned, he could afford to be a little late today. While he didn't have any morning classes on Friday he did have a pre-arranged study session with his cousin, Forrest, and it wasn't often that he was tardy. Perhaps Forrest would congratulate the elder boy for being a 'normal human being' for once. He laughed at the thought, lips closing around his impromptu breakfast, slinging his messenger bag over one shoulder. For once he thought he might be able to start the day off content with himself.

* * *

"Forrest," Siegbert whined, knees drawn against his chest, "I fail to see how this is helping _either_ of us study." He gestured incredulously with his hands, pout settled on his lips. Forrest laughed that delicate and mocking laugh that Siegbert both hated and loved, pulling the elder boy closer to his side, "C'mon Sieg, you're practically the embodiment of loneliness! One measly dating app isn't gonna ruin your life or anything, plus what if you end up actually meeting someone and falling in love? How exciting!" The longer Forrest spoke the more Siegbert wanted to hide in his scarf and die. It was true, Siegbert _was_ lonely, but he didn't think it was in the romantic sense...

He rolled his eyes, barely paying attention to whatever frivolous details the other was typing into his profile, tucking their forgotten essays back into his bag. "How many other gay men do you think are in our area, anyway? I doubt there are many, so wouldn't this just be a waste of our precious studying time?" he tried to argue, but it was a passive-aggressive comment at most. "Dear cousin," Forrest began, flicking back a lock of his silky raven hair, "the city is _huge_! I bet there are tons of people like you, so no, it's not a waste of your god-damned study time, you stick-in-the-mud!" he hissed back, passing Siegbert his cellphone with a rather satisfied look.

"Well, I'll leave the rest of that up to you! Ah—I almost forgot, are you coming home over break? Father and Uncle Xander wanted to invite us to some big holiday party at the company, something about creating lasting and meaningful relationships with people. I dunno, I just figured I'd ask. I'd love to coordinate outfits if you'll be joining us!" Siegbert cocked his head at the information; his Father hadn't mentioned anything about a party this morning. "Mmh, yes I'll be returning home with you. I…rather miss everyone…a lot." He ducked his head with a shy laugh, "Actually Father called me this morning. We had a long talk about my coming home…he said he misses me. I think I almost cried when he said that, isn't that sad?"

Forrest squeezed Siegbert's shoulder, the playful mood passing just as quickly as it had come, "I'm glad you talked to him, Sieg. I worry sometimes…you can be really distant when you want to be, so I'm sure that whatever you guys talked about helped you jump a really big hurdle. Well, emotionally, at least. I would have cried too if I didn't have a close relationship with my dad." He offered the older boy a reassuring smile, leaning against his side. In between all of their tongue-in-cheek banter there were moments when they could confide in one another comfortably. They'd always been close as children, and if Siegbert had to admit, Forrest was probably his first friend-his best friend.

"Thank you, Forrest. It really did help to talk, even if we didn't say much. I don't know why I had such a hard time reaching out before." Siegbert pressed his weight against Forrest as well, looking out across the courtyard. "Or maybe… I was afraid that Father wouldn't want much to do with me after I left home. I look so much like Mother that I thought it would hurt him by being around, but it seems that staying away wasn't the right answer." He buried his face into his scarf, tensing briefly when Forrest's hand found his, smile hidden as their finger's intertwined. "He loves you more thank you think, Sieg. You coming home is probably a huge weight off his shoulders. It's weight off mine for sure! I bet Kana misses you too, she's always been really fond of her 'Big Brother Siegbert' after all."

He laughed at that, huffing softly behind his scarf, "She's gotten bigger since the last time I saw her. I can't believe she's already a freshman, it makes me feel kinda old." Forrest shook his head, grinning from ear to ear, "You _act_ like an old man, mister I-get-up-before-dawn. I can't even imagine you in five years." He teased, winking up at the other boy. "Oh hush it, Forrest." Siegbert nudged him with one shoulder, closing his eyes for a short moment, their playful babble interrupted as a rather fluffy ball of blue hair barreled towards them.

"Siiiieeggggberrrtt!" Soleil pushed herself onto his lap, her eyes shining with some sort of passionate emotion. It took him a moment to catch his bearings, Forrest's hand jostled away during the collision, and he found himself saddened by the lack of contact. "Good morning, Soleil. What can I help you with?" he shifted back, allowing the young woman some space to sit on the bench. Forrest smiled at the two of them and moved to the other side of the table, accommodating their flighty friend. She pulled herself up, slapping her hands across the table's surface, grin pulled wide across her lips. "Morning guys! Guess what happened last night!" she trilled, eyeing them expectantly.

Forrest raised his hand, immediately swept up in her excitement, bouncing in his seat. "Oh, oh! Let me guess! You made out with a cute girl at a party and got her number?" Siegbert bit his bottom lip, pushing down the urge to laugh, as he kept his composure. Soleil giggled, shaking her head, "Nooope! Close though~ I met a really cute _boy_ and got his number foooor—"she stabbed Siegbert directly on the forehead, "you!" Said recipient sputtered, face red as he backed up and away from her hands, voice hitching an octave or two. "What?!"

Forrest cooed, clasping his hands together, and looked up at Soleil with great respect. " _Soleil_ , you brilliant devil! We were just talking about how Sieg needs a man in his life!" The blue-haired woman beamed, hands firmly placed on her hips, "Exactly! C'mon Sieggy, you know were just worried about you. Plus what harm would it do to put yourself out there anyway?" She clapped the elder boy on the shoulder, jostling him as she tried to get her point across. Siegbert rubbed his nose, brows knit together, "I-I appreciate your concern, Soleil, but that doesn't mean you can just go throwing my phone number at any random guy you see!" he retorted, face flushed both from the cold and the embarrassment he felt.

"I don't exactly have the time to concern myself with a boyfriend right now anyway…" Not to mention that he wasn't exactly out to all of his family. Soleil huffed, "Oh come on, Sieggy, don't give me that kind of excuse! You always hold yourself back…I know that I should have made sure it was okay with you first, but I just want you to be happier." She crossed her arms over her chest, looking just a bit downtrodden, "Even when we were kids you'd just—"she gestured fiercely with her hands, "shove your desires down! School and family are important, sure, so why can't your yearnings be on that list too? Maybe I'm completely wrong, maybe you _don't_ need a companion, but I think it'd do you a lot of good. They'd be there to encourage you and help point out the good things about yourself that you can't see."

Siegbert felt taken aback as she went on, expression softening once he realized her earnest intent. He knew she hadn't meant any harm, Soleil had always been looking out for him even if he hadn't asked her to, yet there was a part of him that couldn't fully accept her help. If he was being really honest with himself, if he dug deep down inside, perhaps he did long for some sort of romantic partnership. It just wasn't something he thought he could make time for. He'd dated before and at the time he was happy being with those people, but because he prioritized his family and schoolwork over them the relationships never lasted long. He always ended up hurting them even if that was never his intention. So he felt it appropriate that he was a little apprehensive to open himself back up.

"Okay," Siegbert conceded, internal monologue aside, "I'll accept his number…" Soleil crushed him in a bear hug, pressing her cheek to his as she bounced them around excitedly, "Thank the gods!" Siegbert hummed fondly, welcoming the warmth she brought him, and handed her his cellphone. "I just hope you picked someone you could see me with in a few years."

* * *

It was notably more awkward than he expected trying to text someone he'd never met before. Siegbert's fingers hovered over the keypad, glasses catching the reflection of a message far too formal considering the circumstances. He groaned, running a hand through his hair, and worried his bottom lip between his teeth, "Gods," he shifted his gaze to the television, "it really shouldn't be this hard." Even the verbal confirmation didn't inspire any motivation in him. After a moment of consideration Siegbert pulled up his and Soleil's conversation, he needed her advice.

 _How am I supposed to talk to him?_

 **Sieggy, hey! Idk, just shoot him a quick hello and your name? He doesn't bite or anythin'**

Siegbert frowned, flopping back onto the couch, fingers flying across the keypad.

 _What if he doesn't respond? Did he even look remotely interested in texting a guy he doesn't know? Is he even gay? Bisexual? I don't even know his name! I feel like a fool…_

 **Aww, c'mon, Sieggy have more faith in him! \\{=_='}/ Shiro's actually a good friend of Shigure's, comes over all the time and whatnot. He's totally gay, don't worry, he's been out to us for years! Anyway, last night he, Shig and I went out for some drinks and I definitely talked about you 'cause we're buddies and I love your precious face! Shiro seemed interested…I mean, you wouldn't normally ask about someone if you didn't care right? So since we were on the topic I mentioned to him that you also like guys and he was really invested then so I gave him your number and told him to shoot you a text.**

 **You aren't a fool, silly! I did kinda force the information on you…sorry about that by the way. I know you don't really like talking about yourself and I was being selfish…but I'm really glad you took the number. I love you, bro. No homo ;P**

 _Gods, Sol, I'm not mad at you or anything. It's just hard to put myself back out there, you know? None of my previous relationships ever ended on a good note, and I don't want to end up hurting anyone again. I think…that you were right; however, having someone care about me outside of family could be something worthwhile._

 _Uhm…so, is he cute? Not that it matters!_

 _Forget I asked. Gods I'm so embarrassing…_

 _And I love you too._

Siegbert buried his face into the cusions, hissing when the bridge of his glasses dug into his skin. "Goodness…" he muttered, smile tugging at the corner of his lips. She always knew just what to say to him and he treasured that about her. Other than Forrest, Soleil had to be his closest friend and he planned to keep it that way, no matter thick or thin.

 **Oh my gods, Sieggy, you are so flippin' cute! I love you, all the homo and whatnot!**

 **Yeah, he's pretty cute~ I wouldn't set you up with anyone but the best, plus I have a really good feeling about this. It's like destiny or something!**

 _You and Forrest need to stop hanging out, it's scary._

 **Whatevs Sieggy, you're just jealous :3c Anyway, get to texting him, chump, he probably forgot about it cause he had finals today so go and make him feel better! G'night bby**

 _Goodnight, Sol. Don't forget to set your alarm tonight or you won't make it on time to class!_ _(ˆ_ _ˆԅ)_ _See you tomorrow._

Siegbert opened Shiro's contact information once more, tapping on the send message option with a determined glare. He could do this, he reasoned, it's not like they actually had to hit it off immediately. He took a moment to consider his options before he just typed up a casual hello along with his name, his finger quivering over the send button. Once it had been sent he decided to distract himself by cleaning up the living room, packing up his things and moving them onto the coffee table in preparation for tomorrow. He returned his dishes to the kitchen, tucking them away in the dishwasher which he made a mental note to start before he went to school. He shuffled about the whole room, feet padding quietly across the wooden flooring, phone tucked away in the pocket of his sweatpants.

It took too long for Shiro to send a reply, Siegbert thought anxiously, though it had only been about ten minutes in actuality. He pulled his phone put hastily, leaning against the fridge with a nervous exhale of breath.

Oh, hey! It's Siegbert right? Sol told me tons about you while she was drunk last night, feels like I already know ya (^・ω・^)

That was…rather cute, in Siegbert's opinion. He laughed to himself, taking in the little cat emoji with a grin. It was _really_ cute.

 _Yes, but if it makes it any easier you can call me Sieg like everyone else does? Gods, I can only imagine what humiliating stories she shared._ (,,꒪꒫꒪,,) _I hope it wasn't anything too boring either._

Nah, man, she went on about you for like at hour at least. It was sweet really. I now know that your favorite dessert is macaroons, the green ones especially. You can't hold your liquor, adorable by the way, and you have this little chick plushie that your cousin nicknamed Siegbird. Also apparently Sol used to change in front of you when you were kids and you almost cried because you thought she wouldn't be able to get married because of it. She shared a lot of things with us, I swear she has a journal dedicated to you or somethin, cause that memory of hers in scary impressive.

 _Ugh, she just had to share the most embarrassing ones, didn't she? Well, that's me I suppose? Anyway, I hardly find it fair that you know all those silly things about me and the only thing I've been told about you is that you're cute. Tell me about yourself!_

She said I was cute? Damn, Sol, way to sell a guy .( ̵˃﹏˂̵ ) I'll have you know I am dashingly handsome, but I digress. Let's see…

* * *

By the time they were finished texting Siegbert learned many things about Shiro. He discovered that the other boy was just slightly younger than he was, his favorite food was constantly changing and his parents were from Japan. His stories were humorous and the blond found that he really enjoyed how optimistic the other man remained no matter the situation. Siegbert hummed, realizing how late it had actually become and sent Shiro a quick goodnight, setting his alarm before trudging off to bed.

He nearly dropped his phone when it vibrated, chirruping loudly in his hands. "Ah!" he gasped, hastily picking up the call. "Hello?" His greeting was muffled as he turned to shut the bedroom door, the sound of whooshing air following quickly after. "Hey, Sieg—"An unfamiliar voice called his name, a voice that could only belong to his newfound friend. "Shiro?" He was greeted with an easygoing chuckle, "Yeah, I just…wanted to say goodnight in person?" Siegbert huffed fondly, "It sounds more like you're trying to convince yourself rather than me…but, I'll humor you." Shiro hummed low, smile carrying in his tone, "Hey, we'll…talk more tomorrow, right? It was fun."

"Mmh? Of course we will, I—I enjoyed talking with you too. I hope I wasn't too boring; I'm not exactly used to having such long conversations. P-Perhaps we can have an actual phone call next time, if…if that's alright." Siegbert flipped off the lights, curling up beneath his comforter. "Yeah! Yeah, I'd love to. You aren't boring at all, Sieg, you're really interesting and I think that it's very cute when you add emoji's to the end of your messages." The blond's cheeks deepened a shade his hand clamping around the phone instinctively, "You're way cuter, Shiro. I mean I can't think of anyone else that would call me just to say goodnight."

Shiro sputtered into the receiver, "You're such a nerd, Sieg!" He responded weakly, sounding rather bashful. Siegbert laughed, rubbing one thumb over his phone fondly, "Really, Shiro? If you're just going to insult me I'm sleeping." It wasn't often that he felt so uninhibited when speaking with someone, it was pleasant, and he found himself doing so effortlessly. "Whatever, man, you're still a nerd." Shiro stubbornly bit back, surely smiling as he did so.

Siegbert pulled off his glasses and set them on the nightstand, rolling onto his tummy, "Goodnight, Shiro." He heard shuffling and the click of a light switch, "G'night, Sieg." His heart swelled at the sound, finding that he was rather reluctant to hang up, waiting until Shiro did it in his stead. Siegbert gazed at the screen for a moment longer before deciding it was finally time to go to bed. Perhaps, he thought while drifting off; this wasn't such a bad idea after all.


End file.
